Common Real-World Coping

Coping strategies can often be subtle, even in children, and can look like perfectly "normal" behaviors that go unnoticed. However, beneath the surface, these actions serve the same purpose as more obvious coping mechanisms: they help manage stress, regulate emotions, and restore balance to the brain and body.

Here are some less obvious examples of coping mechanisms that, though they may seem innocuous or petty, play similar roles in helping us regulate our emotions and maintain homeostasis:

1. Thumb-Sucking or Pacifier Use (In Children)

For many children, thumb-sucking or using a pacifier is an early form of self-soothing. It helps regulate emotions, especially in moments of stress, fatigue, or frustration. From a biological perspective, this rhythmic, repetitive behavior can release calming neurotransmitters like dopamine, which helps the child feel more secure. It's a way for their developing nervous systems to manage the overwhelming sensations they might experience in the world around them.

2. Fidgeting or Doodling

Adults and children alike often engage in fidgeting, tapping their foot, or doodling on a piece of paper. While these actions may appear meaningless, they actually serve as coping mechanisms for managing stress or boredom. Small physical movements help the brain release pent-up energy, which can aid concentration or provide a sense of control in a situation where emotions or attention are being stretched. They also keep the body moving just enough to activate a low level of dopamine release, keeping the brain engaged without becoming overwhelmed.

3. Playing with Toys or “Stimming” (In Children)

Many children (and even adults) engage in repetitive play with toys, such as twirling a string or bouncing a ball. This kind of behavior is often a way for children to regulate their emotions, especially when they are in environments that are overstimulating or stressful. "Stimming" (self-stimulatory behavior) can serve as a coping mechanism by helping children reduce anxiety or focus their energy in a safe, controlled way.

4. Repetitive Behaviors (Like Watching the Same Movie or Reading the Same Book) 

Children often enjoy watching the same movie or reading the same book repeatedly. While it might seem like a simple preference, this can also be a form of coping. Familiarity provides a sense of safety and control. The brain finds comfort in knowing exactly what will happen, which can ease any anxieties about unpredictability. This repetitive exposure to something known allows them to feel grounded, especially when there are other unpredictable elements in their environment (such as moving houses, going to a new school, or dealing with a family conflict).

5. Binge-Watching TV Shows (In Adults and Teens)

In our current culture, binge-watching television shows is often seen as a normal pastime. However, this can also be a subtle way of coping with stress, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm. Watching multiple episodes of a TV show provides a distraction from reality, allowing the brain to disengage from stressful stimuli. Similar to re-reading a favorite book or movie, it offers a sense of familiarity and predictability that can be calming. The brain releases dopamine during the experience, which helps reinforce the behavior, and may create a sense of temporary emotional relief.

6. Excessive Cleaning or Organizing

Some individuals turn to cleaning or organizing as a way to cope with emotional stress. On the surface, this may seem like a productive behavior, but for some, it's a form of emotional regulation. Organizing a chaotic space can provide a sense of control when internal emotions feel overwhelming. The repetitive motions involved in cleaning also stimulate the release of calming chemicals in the brain, similar to what we see in behaviors like fidgeting.

7. Repetitive Social Media Checking

Frequent, almost compulsive checking of social media or email might appear to be a harmless habit. However, it's often a way to manage anxiety, boredom, or feelings of loneliness. The brain gets a small hit of dopamine with each notification or like, which serves as a quick "reward" that temporarily alleviates stress or emotional discomfort. In small doses, this can be a minor form of coping, but when overused, it can become a problematic habit that distracts from more pressing emotional needs.

8. Over-Immersion in Work or Hobbies 

While being committed to work or a hobby can be fulfilling, over-immersion in these activities can sometimes serve as a way to avoid dealing with emotional stress. People may turn to work as a way to distract themselves from feelings of loneliness, grief, or anxiety. The structure, focus, and reward systems in work can provide the brain with a sense of stability and accomplishment, which counteracts feelings of uncertainty or lack of control in other areas of life.

9. Pretending and Role-Playing (In Children)  

Children often engage in make-believe games, role-playing as superheroes, or pretending to be animals. While this might seem like a normal part of childhood, it can also serve as a coping mechanism. When a child is dealing with confusing emotions or stress, pretending allows them to experiment with roles, emotions, and situations in a safe and controlled way. It helps them process the world around them by acting out scenarios they find difficult to understand or manage emotionally.

10. Joking or Sarcasm (In Adults) 

Humor, including the use of sarcasm or self-deprecating jokes, is another way people often cope with difficult emotions. It allows people to distance themselves from the pain or stress of a situation by reframing it in a less threatening light. This form of coping can help defuse tension and give the brain a break from the emotional intensity of a situation. While humor can be healthy, it may also mask underlying emotions that need to be addressed more directly.

11. Overeating or “Comfort Eating”  

Eating, especially comfort foods high in sugar or fat, triggers the release of dopamine and serotonin—neurotransmitters that create feelings of pleasure and relaxation. This makes food an effective, though often problematic, way to cope with stress. The brain is essentially using the physical act of eating as a quick fix to emotional imbalance. In children, you might see this as a tendency to ask for snacks when they're bored or anxious.

12. Sleeping or Napping Excessively 

Excessive sleeping, or using sleep as an escape, is a common coping mechanism that can often go unnoticed. People may use sleep as a way to avoid dealing with stressful emotions or situations. While rest is necessary, sleeping more than what’s needed can indicate an attempt to avoid emotional processing, especially in children or teenagers going through difficult times.

Compassion for Subconscious Coping

What all these examples highlight is that coping is a universal, subconscious process that helps us maintain equilibrium in life. Whether we are aware of it or not, our brains are constantly working to adjust to the world around us and protect us from emotional overload. The important takeaway for patients is this: we need to have compassion for ourselves, especially when coping mechanisms may seem irrational or harmful. Often, these behaviors are our brain’s way of helping us survive overwhelming situations—even if they don’t always serve us well in the long term.

By recognizing the subtle ways we cope, we can better understand our emotional needs and move toward healthier ways of managing life’s challenges.